Thursday, November 27, 2008

Terrorism - Sit back and Chillax

Got up at 700hrs. Relatives were calling. Yes, i am safe!

NIGHTMARE:- TAJ, Oberoi, CST, Santa Cruz, Colaba & 3 Hospitals among 12 places attacked by Terrorists.


Read the newspaper half way and went to have breakfast. News line flashing - No School,No college.. 12 places attacked.. 80 killed.. Army and NSG called in.. Mumbai disturbed..

People dying

Came back to room and started my laptop.. There was one message (on LAN chatting tool) from a girl asking everybody for a movie called yuvraaj.. I was so pissed.. The whole mumbai was under attack and this female wanted to see yuvraaj!! I mean,of all the movies.. Yuvraaj??!!

People dying

Female - Anybody having Yuvraaj?
Apoorva - Mumbai under attack and you want to see a movie. whats up with you?
Female - I can't do much about it. Even i was depressed and i now want to lighten up my mood..
Apoorva - At least don't enjoy for a day!!
Female - I have seen all the videos of the attack. i want to get over it.
Apoorva - (By watching a depressing movie like yuvraaj??)okay. enjoy.

People dying

so guys, sit back and relax.. you really cant do anything here..
we will remember to forget this incident..
one more chapter to study in history (but do they teach history after independence??)
one more Bollywood movie will be made.. based on this incident and inspired by some Hollywood movie..
one more reference to the media.. to refer back to this incident.. to compare the death toll..

Mast AC lagao aur so jao.. Otherwise watch Yuvraaj and enjoy piracy!! U really cant kill a person who is hiding..
remember the speech of common man in the movie WEDNESDAY..??

Forget the economy,Mumbai ke nivaasi should think of ways to survive.. before they get shot.. haha.. death so close.. death for no fault.. for no reason.. death of no honor..

"Aaj laashein toh dono giri na
ek bihari.. ek marathi..
aur jhagado aapas mein ab
ek goli mein band tum dono ki zindagi!!"

People still dying.. but the so called "spirit" of mumbai is still alive.. and how to keep it alive? By standing in silence for 2 mins?? and yes don't forget to put that song in the background "Yeh hai mumbai meri jaan"!!

I can't predict what politicians will say on this for two reasons:
1. I know nothing of politics
2. Politicians are unpredictable

"If they are making our life a game,then let it be the game of CS.. where terrorists come face to face.."


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Kidnapped by him

"Kidnapping her heart
Is that gain so special?
that its worth hurting me?"

(After 3 years of successful relationship,
girl leaves a helpless boy for some unknown reason. At that time he composed this. I was just able to note few lines..)

The place i enjoyed (in your heart)
The fun we had,
The bond we shared
is all Kidnapped!!

Not reminding you of promises,
Those innocent looks & first kisses,
All good things & vague memories
along with you are Kidnapped!

He played the role of the healer,
Showed me my real worth
but i doubt about your happiness,
Coz how many time are you gonna get Kidnapped?

"I am not gonna fall in love again,
Coz the one I love always gets Kidnapped"


After reading this,i dunno Wat made me to write the following lines..

"Don't pull my leg
It has been pulled enough (look at my height.. he he..)
Don't trick my heart
It has been tricked enough!!"

Friday, November 21, 2008

The night when I got drunk

In the dark street
I was left alone
my memory betrays me to remember
who i am..

My eyes are not following my orders
On the most saddest day of my life
I got drunk and fell on the ground
I dunno who I am..

People talking about the stupid subject
and asking my views on their thoughts
I am left with no words
As i don't have any point of view..

Fear of the failure troubling me
Asking me to try again for it
Asking me to go for that final aim
Mocking me to fail again

Thoughts clouding my every thought
Killing my own thinking of self
I don't have control on my senses
I don't remember who I was.. and who I am!!


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

HRM Class!

In our HRM class we(except me) were discussing about Attitude and behavior etc.. Madam gave few answers that i thought were not appropriate. So i thought of thinking on it myself without referring to any dictionary or Wikipedia! I don't believe in referring to such sources(when it comes to such words) because here practical meaning is more important than theoretical or perceived! I know that the theoretical meanings are derived from practical experiences but still,those meanings are not followed these days. It is a very different issue all together. I will discuss it later.

I came with few answers. Please correct me if i am wrong.

your way of thinking

manipulated way of thinking

initially induced(can be forced)and later developed way of thinking

thinking that is neither manipulated nor induced. Attitude can change but Nature cannot

How are Ethics different from Values?
What is natural behavior?


Monday, November 10, 2008

[still thinking of title]

When people laugh at my every try,
Look back at me and say good bye.

I walk in rain when I cry,
I just want you to make my life hell,
Don't be perplexed,don't ask why,
Look back at me and say good bye.

I won't betray,i won't lie,
Give me pain,give me sorrow,
But keep me alive,don't let me die,
Look back at me and say good bye.

Let that last moment of togetherness come,
At that moment i want you to look back at me,
And say Good Bye!
just kiss my soul,bid me good bye!


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Selfish Death

That smile,that face,that glimpse of your beauty,
your face was the air i was breathing all the time,
i want you to put your pics in my coffin
when i die!

Those nights,those talks,those endless short calls,
your voice was the only thing i listened to all the time,
i want you to put those cell phones in my coffin
when i die!

Those intoxication,ultimate source of attraction,
your fragrance was the only thing i smelled all the time,
i want you to put that perfume in my coffin
when i die!

Those series of moments i spent with you,my life,
your life was the only thing i lived all the time,
i want you to put your life in my coffin

(i was thinking of "sati". i was thinking in a very different way. here, i assumed that Sati is an outcome of love(i have every right to assume anything).i assumed that in those days,love was so pure that people were ready to die for it. because may be they were not able to live without each other(again,m assuming.real reason is given in books and Wikipedia). but then there were some unanswered questions..)

why only women?
was that love pure,or DEATH SELFISH?
and finally, as hrithik asked - Kya aap kisise itna pyaar karte ho ke uske liye apni jaan bhi de do?hehe

Waise toh sub faaltu giri hai.. sochne mein kya jaata hai?!


Sunday, October 26, 2008


Never before the dark night was so dark
Never before in the lonely hours i was so alone
Never before my sorrow was so sad

Why this pain is so painful?
Why the destiny is so far?
Why am I crying so loud?
(Still nobody is able to hear)

Lets keep this between us
Lets lock this amongst us

Friday, October 24, 2008

What do you see? Aamir Khan?

Look Closely!

You will see Determination, Dedication, Perfection, Confidence, Pain, Hard work & Persistence staring at you!! His eyes are modestly laughing at your weak desires of achieving perfection!! His silent, calm and composed mind is crying out loud... "This is how it’s done!!" Look at this picture for 5 minutes and you will start conversing with it. Trust me; he won’t give you a chance to speak.

Now look into the mirror and start conversing with yourself. You will get solution to all your problems. Success lies within us, we just need to explore it. It’s not your reflection that you are seeing; it’s your success that is staring back at you. Of course, you will only see it if you have Determination, Dedication etc..


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Last Laugh

I won't say a word,
When you use me,
Use me till i am left with nothing.

Rip me off,
Pinch me hard,
I am dumb and i won't complain.

Pick my body,
Burn my soul,
I am numb and won't feel the pain.

Love me for a reason,
Hate me for no reason,
Abuse me, but you have nothing to gain.

Cut me into pieces,
Sell my every bit,
I will let you do anything you want.

Is it worth to lose a friend so special?
Is it worth to make business out of my silence?
Am i weak that I don't say a word?

Still you hit me, punch me, and finally kill me,
I won't say a word,
All i crave, is to have the last laugh!!
(Coz somewhere you also know that i am right)


Monday, October 13, 2008


(Music in the background of his room)

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now"

(He got up. Blood stains on his t-shirt reminded him of yesterday. It was 4 in the afternoon. Mixed emotion of anger, frustration and depression was clouding his mind. He wanted to throw his guitar, photos, CDs and everything related to him, to them. He was about to do that when he came across his diary and….)

Yesterday was the worst day of my life, the day when I was not able to update my diary. Every song that I have made till now involved my feelings, my intuition, and my creativity and to some extends my insanity! I wrote every song as a story and stories do have end, same in case of my songs and so same should apply for my diary too. This page will be the last page of my creation and today will be the last day of my creativity.

"And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight"

(He looks at the bag under his chair. Starts taking out the photos from his bag.)

I believed that magical shows are different because they have Magik. I was wrong. I know my vision is not perfect but I am sure this is not the reason I am not able to see anything today.

(Comes across his photo)

I started my life in Mumbai living with him, and I am repenting that today. There was no takeover damn it. It was never that way. But you won't understand.

"And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When every thing is made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"

(Comes across her photo)

I know that letter was not enough. But I have nothing left to give you. I don't expect you to understand me, because I don't want you to. I don't want you to suffer. I won't come back.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive "

(Stops the song on the radio. For him, it was more frustrating. The song was literally narrating his situation. He was feeling mocked at)

Bloody song.. Bloody music.. and Bloody band.. The three mistakes of my life : Guitar,Music & Lyrics

(Puts all those memories in front of him. Grabs the match box lying nearby. And... )

I don't want to live in this world. Dad was always right. I will have to compromise. Aakhir kaun compromise nahi karta?

(Lights up the match stick)

I can't.

Damn these photos and Damn this band!

(How can anyone burn his dreams? Though they were shattered and the pain was intolerable. He started stuffing all those things in a box. Box of secrets. Box of memories. Box of his life)

Today my destiny has commanded me to give up. I will have to follow my mind, my dad. I will have to follow the system. I will have to enter this river called life, rather monotonous life. I will have to quit my dream world. I know,the more "will have" I am adding, the more I am cheating myself. I have never seen punishment more severe than the crime. I don't know, may be the crime is too serious. But it's too intense to forget.

(Starts for Delhi)

Guess who?

(That day he pressed the Stop button of his musical life, not knowing that it was only an extended Pause. A Pause of Ten years)

Note:- There are many technical flaws in this article. Like he left for Delhi the moment he left the studio that day. Who the hell will write a diary at such time? I was just wondering what he must be thinking that day. It was very difficult to put in words. Actually, such situation can't be expressed.

The Smile that was never seen by anybody for 10 years!


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

An Unusual Letter

Dearest Apoorva,

I am neither saying that it was your fault nor I am justifying myself, but the fact remains the same that the misunderstanding due to lack of frankness is growing between us. People these days have crossed the limits of diplomacy and have mixed profession with friendship. Rivalry rises from such mixed emotions and I am the child of rivalry. You may feel sometimes that I am your only friend, but trust me; I am not at all trustworthy.

Every move that I have made till now is not the sign of concern, but the investment made with forceful expectation. This is how I am and I can’t change myself, at least not for you. I have my own set of rules, and if you want to survive, you better adjust. You are left with no other option. Either you survive, outperform and succeed or you fail and lose.

We can never be friends as we are fighting for the same position. I have no intentions to put you down, but my selfishness demands it. If you are a fighter then I am your motivator. Take me as a challenge and you will surely gain something even if you lose. Our relationship is everlasting and mind you, you need me for your progress.

I am your constant companion. Yes, I am your competition.

(This letter is an art of fiction. You are free to relate it to anybody as I have no control over your thoughts, because I believe that thoughts are the only assets that you truly possess.)


Monday, September 29, 2008

Margin of Hunger

Here,i have been taught about the profit margins,and how these margins are important for the organization and how it affects the individual performance. Are these profit margins that important for anyone?

yes it can be. but not for any organization. Not THAT important. If you wanna think of profit margins,

Ask that child who is selling mumbai mirror on the streets of mumbai!
Ask that little girl who is selling flowers near the temple in pune!

Those are the real margins. Because its not the question of money.. profits.. its the margin that covers their hunger..

And we are taught to make rich richer.. and students like me are learning it.. what a shame!



pehli baar jab usko dekha,
zindagi ko ru-ba-ru dekha,
khudko khudi se haarte hua dekha,
dard se naata toot te hue dekha.

chal pada uss raah par,
jin par teetli ne apne rang khoye,
uss mohabbat ki sadak par,
jidher mitti ne bhi apni khusbu khoyi!

soch raha tha kaise baat karun,
ya nigahon ko baat karne ka mauka doon,
tabhi unohe dekha iss kadar
karke dosti ka haath aagey

kuch waqt toh do mujhe zara,
mohabbat se pyaar udhaar lu zara,
inn palo ko dil mein sazza lu zara,
unn labzo ko zubaan tak laau zara.

phir woh duniya hi kuch aur thi,
jismein mujhe usne uttaaraa,
phir woh safar hi kuch jannat bana,
jismein akela kabhi tha mein aawaaraa.

pehle mein sochta tha,
ke ab toh maut hi zindagi ka muuawazaa hai,
ab toh jaise bahana mila,
maut se bhi zindagi maangane ka!

phir woh kahani yaad aai,
pyaar ki tabahi yaad aai,
uske chod jaane ki yaad aai,
uss puraane bedard pyaar ki yaad aai.

kehta tha mein ke woh pehla pyaar tha,
wahi mere zindagi ka saccha pyaar tha,
magar jiski duniya mein filal mein khush tha,
usine mere atith ko bhi anjaane mien hi bhula diya

mera kal toh usika tha,
tab puri zindagi usike naam thi,
kitna ajeeb dil hai mera,
ke aaj kisi aur ke naam kar di.

bina soche samjha jab mein,
aaj uska ho gaya hoon,
kya safai dunga mein khudko,
ke aaj mein kitna badal gaya hoon!

apni soch mein khoya hua,
shyad mein uske saath chal raha tha,
hosh mein aatey hi usko dekhna chaha,
toh uss sunsan sadak pe mein akela hi khada tha

door door tak kahin woh mujhe
nazar hi nahi aai
tab jaana meine ke
yeh mere tutte hue dil ka hi khel tha

tham gaya waqt
na tham paaye aasun
mitt gayi aakhein
na mitt paye dard

akele chalte chalte meine sikha,
jab naa rahein saath kisika,
koi gum nahi iss baat ka,
kam se kam saath hai iss akeli sadak ka...


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Jugal Bandi

jale hue ciggarette ke tukde
kuchh fate purane akhbar
kuchh purani khali botlein
aur isi bhool bhulaiya mein
mujhe khojti meri zindagi

un cigarette ke tukdo ne kisi ko raahat ki saans di hogi
purane akhbar mein kisi ki toh tasveer chappi hogi
purani khali botlon mein kabhi to jaam chalka hoga

meri zindagi toh pehle bhi khaali thi,abhi bhi viraan hai,
inn chizon mein mujhe zindagi milti hai dost,toh woh meri nahi,kisi aur ki hai!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Economics Class - Shutdown Point

Class Started at 1430hrs IST

That day my mind was fighting to concentrate as usual. Wanted to give up forever but again the fight was still on. Every single soul was engrossed in the economics and i was lost in my own world.

"The World beyond Dollar and Rupees,
In the Land of Tempting Cupids"

1445hrs. People still pouring in. Were they seriously interested?

Questioning my decision to study Economics was the most challenging argument for me. Was it necessary?

"The Firm and it's profits,
Revenue, Turnover and Margins;
The growth of the Corporate Man,
is heading towards the Nowhere Land"

One shot at the watch behind and it was still 1455hrs. Time was stagnant as always,during the lectures. Voices were fading. Words were hitting my blank face. Even they gave up the idea of penetrating inside. Suddenly someone asked,

"Sir,Can you show the graph of Shutdown point?"

Yes I can answer that,I thought, Shutdown point was the end of something? End of business or growth, I was totally clueless.


Life is about making it useful for others. It is better to help rather than to see anyone falling. But what if i am totally useless? Friends are my Assets, but am i a Liability to them? I started questioning the existence and importance of my role as perceived by my family and friends.

I started noting down the status of my life/definition of my life:-

"The expectations are just covering my performance or my inability is equal to my mission in life. My confidence level is falling below the line of sympathy. I Conclude, my life is only worth if i die"


And then Sir explained the classic definition of SHUTDOWN POINT

"The Shutdown point comes where revenues just cover variable costs or where losses are equal to fixed costs. When the price falls below average variable costs, the firm will maximize profits by shutting down"

This was the only part i was able to understand/relate in that class of economics. I realized that my shutdown point has come, i am just waiting for "my class" to get over!

Apoorva Dixit

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I V/s Me (Unanswered questions of my life/Dialogues within me)

Hi Apoorva,

Are you caught in the shackles of expectations?
Expectations that can neither be fulfilled nor can it be ignored.

Letting down the whole world; at every turn of my life. I realized one day, on such random depressing turn, that I am not living my life the way I always wanted to, but the way others want me to. What is holding me back? Who is ruling my freedom?

Do you need an exemption?

I want to explore the dark unfathomed dry burrows of my mind. Yes, I want to set it free.

Trust me,Sometimes it becomes difficult for me to comprehend myself. Am I so complicated?


Dard-E-Dil 1

Mitt chukki hai aashayein

Marr chukke hai saare armaan

Jin haalaat ne humein juda kiya

Unhine sikha diya tere bina jeena


Thursday, July 31, 2008

Silent Night,Holy Night


I saw the the movie "The Dark Knight". When i was in the theater lots of things came across my mind. I thought that the Gotham City does not exist. I was so wrong. When i came out, i heard the news of 23 bomb blasts in 24 hours. Two Gotham Cities of India attacked. We surely need a super hero for our security.

For two days i was thinking about the reason of this terror. Read different stories in different newspapers and i was totally confused. I went to my room and started music. The only song that i wanted to hear at that time was.........

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

John Lennon Rocks!!


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word


I mean "Important" Notice and not "Import" Notice. I think i need to sleep now.. Otherwise this chain of such POSTs will continue till eternity..


Please Forgive Me


I dunno how to begin,but i know where to begin. First of all thanks for not reading my article "Angels don't kill" (as usual).. bcoz its full of mistakes.. I think while editing, i forgot to change few words that totally destroyed the sense of few lines..

I know how more frustrating it must have been to read it with errors.. :-)

Perhaps,the only person who read this blog is me..


Import Notice:- This is no publicity stunt to make you read it.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Angels Don't Kill

Was Gandhiji an angel? Yaar I have thought of it a lot but can’t put it in words. Give me some time. I think my thinking process has stopped. eiinn?? But how can that be possible??

Just now my friend, wikipedia, told me that "A process is a naturally occurring or designed sequence of changes of properties or attributes of an object or system". Now how can a sequence of "changes" stop?? No one can stop change. I am so determined to find out what is happening then. Am I getting bored of thinking?? This will land me into lot of trouble. Am I getting 'dumber' day by day...? My grey cell population is falling below poverty line... No ideas coming... now, I won’t be able to serve the society... No value addition to country's GDP from my side... No scope for improvement as I can’t put any effort in anything... Senses dying... Turning colder hearted... I am using more words... i am thinking less... promising more... working less... getting more corrupt... losing all my ethics... it was affecting each drop of my blood... i am turning into something that i never wanted to be... one flash and i am wearing kurta.. Standing on the stage... addressing a big crowd... making fake promising... talking about farmers, suicide, n-deal etc... I have no idea what I am talking... i am just reading one speech written by somebody... some fiction book author i guess... yes, i have changed.. Have I turned into a politician??

It was one bad dream which I was not able to recollect properly... but it made some sense... I don't know why I hate politicians... I have no right...

"God, gimme power to change the things that can be changed, gimme power to accept the things that I cannot change and gimme wisdom to make the difference between the two." (Read it at one Hardikar hospital,Pune). I think RDB team visited the hospital first. ;-)


Thursday, June 12, 2008

Dangerous Minds


Come to think of it,our every move is governed by an authority famously know as our mind. And the foreign element that rules this powerful governing body is our idol,our inspirer. For instance,if i am writing this blog then there has to be some inspiration that compels my mind to surrender to its commanding orders. And when that inspiration is not strong enough,we end up getting confused about everything. Contradicting the topic,mind can never be dangerous,but the state of mind can. It can be positive,negative,confident,suspicious,wicked etc. In the end,it depends upon the ruler of our mind. The one who rules his mind is the man of wisdom. Such people end up being a good respected human being. And the rest of the others try to learn the art of the living! I think the only art of living is to control the mind. It leads to control unnecessary temptations of life.

I have few states of minds and their consequences. You can add to this list.

"Suspicious Minds" -> Broken Relationship
"Practical Minds" -> Affairs
"Emotional Minds" -> Love hidden in the world of Drama
"Inspired Minds" -> Bill Gates,Michael Dell,Dhirubhai Ambani and many more!


Monday, June 9, 2008

Comfortably Numb

Some people are afraid of changes,or may be they take time to adjust with the changes. They live in their comfort zone. Just like one of the character of "Who moved my cheese?". While avoiding the changes in life they don't see the future zone of comfort they can make. As rightly said in Sarkar Raj,Change is necessary for success. I believe that proper change with enough risk and clear vision is necessary for guaranteed success. Consequences can never be predicted,the only thing they end up giving is experience in making decisions,rather correct decisions. Decisions in any field are either taken under influence (by those people who don't want to take responsibility for the failure) or by instincts (by those who are ready to take any challenge,those who are confident to fight the failure,those who takes calculative risk as a step towards their goals). Correct decision at the right time is the recipe of success!!
This is all true up to some point. When the experience level reaches its peak,the desire of making changes decreases. Its like a self limiting disease. It becomes difficult to differentiate between your own wisdom and your ability to grow. Changes brings growth and rest is Comfortably Numb!!
I think i fall into this category of people. I need to change for the sake of my comforts!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

nothing else matters

It took me exactly one year to understand the "blog" concept. There were several reasons for coming back to blogging. Few of them are:-
1. I am unemployed and have nothing better to do!
2. I am unemployed and have nothing better to do!
3. I am unemployed and have nothing better to do!
i read somewhere,when people have nothing to do they do wonders! is it so? it never happened to me. the only "wonder"ful thing happened was my mother's scoldings. The last thing when i did nothing was when i was employed. Coming to the point of my employment, it has inspired me to write one book titled "The 3 mysteries of my life"(it has nothing to do with chetan,riots,cricket or business). The third mystery:- why was i doing nothing when i was employed? This bench concept really confuses me. You go to work in the morning and come back in the evening! Thats that,nothing substantial happens in between,both to your employer and to you! what the hell,some bunch of smart people are paying you to sit idle? and thats why they are smart?
The second mystery:- what was the purpose of my training?
The first mystery:- Why was i hired if i had nothing to do? Is this what they teach in HR course of MBA?

Some things have no answer. And sometimes it becomes necessary for you to do nothing in life. i think life compels you to do nothing. And when you are used to it then nothing else matters!!